Helping Someone During a Hospital Stay
Asking for and accepting help can be difficult. But last week, to my pleasant surprise, my good friend Bill accepted my offer to come help him and his wife during his recovery from major surgery. I arrived in Boston the night before the operation. I think that he was particularly concerned about his wife. He was more worried about her, than himself. That’s my friend Bill.
He had his surgery on Tuesday of last week. At the admission desk, the receptionist gave us a pager, like the ones that restaurants give out, to let us know when Bill’s “table” was ready. Several hours later, he was wheeled into the operating room. His surgery, removal of his colon, was a 4 plus hour surgery and he was in the recovery room most of the night.
His wife and I said goodnight to him in the recovery room, before we headed back home. It’s very stressful for family when a relative is having surgery, especially a major operation. There is both fear and hope. Fear that things will go badly and hope that the surgery will result in better health and that recovery will go smoothly. These two opposite emotions find their way into much of the hospital stay. Read more »
The Good Old Days: They Weren’t Always So Good…
Occasionally, I hear providers harken back to the “good old days” when they worked at The Everett Clinic ten, fifteen, or twenty years ago or more. They say– “In those days, I had more control over my work life, more respect from my patients, and spent less time at work”. They compare the “good old days” with today, where they feel less in control of what they do, how they do it, and more accountable for what they do.
This autumn, I will have worked at The Everett clinic for 20 years. When I look in the mirror, I think to myself—“That guy looks just like me, but older!” I have learned a lot about myself over these last two decades. But I have to admit that my strengths are still my strengths, and my weaknesses, well, they are still my weaknesses. I don’t think I have changed too much. Read more »
Asking For Help: Why It’s Hard for Some Folks
The other day, an old friend of mine called me for some advice. We have known each other since our college days (now that is a long time ago) and we have remained in touch throughout the years despite living 3000 miles away from each other. He has gone out of his way to help my kids at different times and I have gone out of my way to help him during a particularly difficult time in his life. We are good friends.
He is having surgery for a serious condition which will require hospitalization for three to five days and a long recovery. It’s all happening at a bad time, since he is moving his 97 year old mother to live closer to him in Boston. After we talked for a while about his concerns, I offered to fly to Boston next week to help him while he is in the hospital. I know it is going to be hard on him, and sometimes it’s helpful to have an old friend around—especially if the going gets tough. But I also wasn’t surprised when he declined my offer. Read more »
What Topics Would You Like to Hear About?
This summer, I will have been writing posts for this blog for two years! I have covered a wide range of topics pertaining to family life. I have tried to provide a balance of views, age groups, and perspectives.
Let me know what you would like hear about. Parenting, issues of mid-life, ADHD, relationship concerns—you tell me!
I have tried to balance research findings, my own personal and professional experiences, with current knowledge in psychology.
Do you have any suggestions for me about what approaches you have liked? Which ones weren’t so hopeful?
Let me know.
Thanks for your feedback! I want our Family Talk Blog to be a community resource.
Paul
The Latest Diet Research—and It’s Good For You Too!
We are always on the search for the latest diet—either to lose weight or to gain health. It’s tough to do either one. Everyone wants to be healthy (and happy). But we have to struggle with our habits—at least with the bad ones! And, it always seems that there is conflicting evidence about what is healthy. It keeps changing.
I’m no different than anyone else in this quest. Like many other adults, I have gained and lost tens of pounds over the years. And, my family is rife with heart disease, so I have to be careful about what I eat, in addition to how much I eat.
Low carb, high carb, no carbs, high protein, and low fat—It’s hard to keep up with the latest craze. Read more »
The Difficult Times of Parenting Teens
A distressed dad sat in my office, tears in his eyes, describing the last two years of his life. His 15-year-old son, Joey, started having problems at 13 years of age—poor school performance, lying, hanging out with troubled friends, anger, and breaking house rules. This semester was going a little better, but he was worried. After the turmoil of the last two years, he was waiting for the other shoe to drop—a telephone call from the school, Joey not coming home on time, or a screaming, yelling episode. He felt bad. He had lost whatever parental confidence he had gained during Joe’s childhood. He was filled with self-doubt.
Through his tears, I could see his deep love for his son. I felt his enormous fear. What if Joey never emerged from his adolescent turmoil? What if he failed high school? What if he ended up in jail? Would if he became a drug addict? What if he died? These are our parental worst nightmares. They wake us up in the middle of the night and keep us awake. Eyes wide open, there are times we feel hopeless. There are times we feel helpless.
Read more »
Moving Day for My 90-Year-Old Mom
Several months ago, I visited my elderly mother in Florida to help her consider moving into an independent living facility with congregate dining. She and I, her best friend, and my aunt went on a tour of Forest Trace in Lauderhill, Florida. All three older adults plunked down a deposit on an apartment. The die was cast.
{Photo of Dr. Paul’s mom}
I went back down to Florida, the weekend before last, to help my mother move. That was my deal with her when I encouraged her to make this big change. It took four days for my daughter and I to unpack all the boxes, find a place for everything, and get her settled. Moving day was very hard for my 90-year-old mom. She felt disoriented and in a fog. I whisked her off to her new place so that she could hang out with her best friend, who had moved there two weeks earlier. I could see she was having a tough time. Read more »
Losing Sleep & Gaining Weight: A Recent Study
I know that I eat more when I am tired. And somehow, I crave those sweet, gooey carbs. It gives me an energy boost, but then later I feel groggy.
Researchers have consistently found that adults who sleep too little are at greater risk of being overweight. There is some relationship between sleep deprivation and carbohydrate and sugar craving…
In a study at the University of Colorado, 16 healthy men and women participated in a two-week experiment, which tracked sleep, metabolism, and eating habits. Because subjects stayed in a special room, researchers were able to track precisely what they ate and their activity level. Read more »
The Boston Marathon Tragedy
It’s hard to imagine the horror that runners and their families felt on Monday.
Many non-athletic adults run marathons to prove to themselves that it is possible to do anything you set your mind to do. It is truly mind over matter. It is a wonderful, uplifting experience. It is built on hard work, persistence, and grit.
But Monday’s marathon will be forever different for these runners.
We are reminded that human beings can destroy as well as create. We have the capacity to do good, to rally together for the benefit of the community, and to perform heroic deeds. With our extraordinary will, many of us can run 26 miles!
But we can also do harm—often with the illusion that we have a just cause. As I am writing this, we do not know what motivated this crime. I am sure that we will know soon enough. Read more »
Why Do Men Delay Going to the Doctor?
I am like most men—I put off going to the doctor.
Six years ago, I had major reconstructive foot surgery for a relatively rare condition, and overall made a great recovery. But recently I started having some pain in that foot. I was anxious about it, but decided to rest it and do my own program of physical therapy. I thought about going to the doctor, but figured that I would wait and see if it got better on its own. Four months later I finally did go see the Orthopedist who did the surgery (You guessed it, at my wife’s insistence!), and my diagnosis and treatment regimen was wrong! Now, after following his advice, it’s much improved. I have to admit I felt kind of stupid.
So why is it that we males are such dodo’s when it comes to going to our health care provider? Read more »
