What is your philosophy of child rearing?
Every generation is unlike the one before it. We were raised in a different time than our children, by different people with different cultural imperatives. Thirty five years ago, life was nothing like today. It was the late 1970’s—no cell phones, no email, no smartphones, and we were coming out of a deep recession (actually pretty close to today!). There were fewer two working families, fewer single parent families, and life was simpler and slower.
Now the blended family, of mine, yours, and ours is commonplace. But how to manage these changes is not. Our understanding of child development keeps evolving. Educational philosophies wax and wane. When I was kid, September was the cut off for kindergarten. Now it is getting later (December) every year. Educators want children to be older before they start school.
When I was a youngster, children were to be seen but not heard. Many parents believed—“Spare the rod, spoil the child”. Kids didn’t have so many toys, because parents were less affluent and didn’t have access to credit cards. Kids had to entertain themselves (and we did!) and there weren’t any electronic toys. And children had fewer choices. We didn’t get to decide where we going to eat or what we were going to eat. Whatever Mom made, we ate, without a complaint.
I don’t want to say that those were the good old days. There were both good and bad elements of growing up in the 50’s and 60’s. I don’t think parents were as self-conscious about parenting as we are today. Perhaps that wasn’t so bad.
But today, as a parent, you have to craft your own philosophy. I am sure it includes some elements of what your parents did, and probably something different too. And what’s more, your parenting approach will change as your child moves through different stages of their childhood. How you parent a 2 year old is completely different than effective parenting strategies for a 6, 10, or 15 year old. And, it can change as you learn from your own experience.
We are also influenced by what we read, what we observe, and what we learn from friends and family. And, we are influenced by “the times” we live in, which is often something that we feel, but can’t see clearly.
Here are some of my thoughts on developing your own personal parenting philosophy:
Whatever you do—be consistent and predictable. This is one of the biggest problems I see today. No sometimes means no, but can easily turn into a yes. This confuses children and makes them nervous.
You are going to make mistakes, at every stage of your child’s development. Yeah, that’s a fact—get used to it and don’t be afraid to mess up. Just like your kids are going to have a lot of skinned knees: so will you. It comes with the territory—but it is important to admit your mistakes. It will teach your kids to do the same.
Be the person you want your kids to be. This is so hard! It is so much easier to tell your kids what to do, than to do it yourself. But those monkeys see and then do—so be thoughtful about how you behave.
Read parenting books, but don’t overdo it. You can drive yourself nuts by taking in too much information, advice, strategies, and approaches. You can forget about your own inner wisdom—Dr. Benjamin Spock, the famous baby doctor (I met him on several occasions in the 60’s) always said “Trust yourself—you know a lot more than you think”. These are still words of wisdom for today.
What is your parenting philosophy? Share with the Family Talk community.
- Posted in: Parenting ♦ child rearing ♦ parenting philosophy; parenting strategies ♦ parenting style
I have almost 3 year old twins girls and I have found that I can’t use the same techniques for both of them. They are different kids and respond differently to different things. I have learned to have clear boundaries, follow through on what you say and be flexible – because they are always changing.
Just a thought: today’s parents are being encouraged to use parenting techniques that are intended to encourage the child, boost their self esteem and focus on the positive aspects rather than punishment, shame or discipline. I’m not saying that parents are being encouraged to never discipline their children – often, it’s necessary! I think that using more positive encouragement & rewarding good behavior is a great way to raise a happy and confident child. So, what’s my point? You hear people speak about the different work styles and general characteristics of the different generations, from Baby Boomers to Generation X to the new Generation Y that we’ve seen entering the work place in the last 10 years or so. It’s been said of “Generation Y,” (aka: Millennials) that they require regular positive feedback from their bosses; they like to have more flexibility in their work hours (come and go as they please); and that their overall, general focus in life is on themselves rather than their work performance.
In conclusion, has this positive, encouraging upbringing actually been causing our children to grow into adults whose main focus is to increase their quality of life on a day-to-day scale rather than “the big picture”? How does this affect their overall work ethic; and the relationships that they build with older coworkers? Also, as the recession continues and companies find themselves increasing the work load of individual employees because they cannot afford to hire additional staff, are these Generation Y’ers willing to step up to the plate and hit a home run?